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Explain, in a sentence or two, how the introduction of the essay introduces the problem. The introduction clearly states the unsafe practice of a


Explain, in a sentence or two, how the introduction of the essay introduces the problem. The introduction clearly states the unsafe practice of a

help teacher feedback –  on the right track for this paper but add topic sentences, complete sentences, and documented research support for all BPs 

PEER REVIEW QUESTIONS – please respond in a different color font or in bold black to each of the questions below.

Essay Introduction Questions:

1. Explain, in a sentence or two, how the introduction of the essay introduces the problem. The introduction clearly states the unsafe practice of abortion.

2. Find and copy and paste the thesis below.  

· Does the thesis appear as the last sentence in the essay’s first paragraph? There is a problem but no solution

· Explain if the thesis is manageable and convinces you by either explaning why the problem is in need of solution or how to solve the problem. The thesis states the problem that is occurring, but I don’t believe it provides a solution to the problem.

· If any element of the thesis mentioned here is missing, please remark accordingly in your review. I believe the solutions is missing from the thesis statement

 Background Paragraph (second paragraph):

1. Explain, in a sentence or two, how the author gives more depth about the history of the problem.  More history could be added but the author does use sources to back up the problem. A good amount of sources are used and fit the paragraphs ideas.

· Comment on the way the author elaborates.  Do you feel like you fully understand the depth and/or gravity of the problem? Yes, I feel like I understand the gravity of the problem. I do think more background could be used to elaborate more.

2. Identify and describe the evidence that the author gives to support the background knowledge regarding the problem

· What resources does the author use to support his/her evidence? The author uses (Erdman et al., 2020).

· Does the author cite the resouce according to APA in-text citations? Yes See  OWL at Purdue  for help with in-text citations in APA style. 

Solutions Paragraph(s) (third, fourth, and maybe even fifth paragraph):

1. Identify and summarize, in a couple of sentences, the solutions that the author provides to the problem. The author’s solution is that the law should provide protection to unborn children. An unborn child should be treated like a born child.

2. Identify and summarize, in a couple of sentences, the advantages and disadvantages the author provides for each solution. I think a disadvantage is that the law of abortion has gone both ways and no matter what the law says people will continue to do as the please. It may sound good on paper to have that protection, but people find a way around the law.

Conclusion Paragraph: 

1. Explain if the author rephrases–and not restates–the thesis in the final paragraph.  The thesis at the end is stronger. It states the authors problem and the solution.

2. Identify and explain, in a sentence, the best solution the author provides in the final paragraph. Address why s/he says it is the best solution.  If the best solution is not present, please comment accordingly in your review. Both born and unborn children should be accorded equal protection of the law. This is the best solution because some people can’t find a way around the law, and some will be punished for their actions. You cant break the law in a medical hospital, where the procedure would get done at.

Organization and Structure of Essay:

1. Explain whether or not each paragraph focuses on one main idea.  Each paragraph does focus on one main idea.

2. Identify and copy/paste the topic sentences for each paragraph.  Refer to  this resource  for help. Comment accordingly if topic sentences are missing. 

the principle of the right to privacy

the issue of whether or to what extent abortion should be legalized

Different countries in the world have enacted various laws allowing abortion

Both born and unborn children should be accorded equal protection of the law.

3. Explain whether each paragraph concludes by wrapping up the thoughts in the paragraph.  Point out any paragraphs that don’t have a concluding sentence.  Refer to  this resource  for help on elements of a solid paragraph. I think each paragraph wraps up each thought.

Grammar & Mechanics:

1. Point out any fragments in the essay. Refer to  this resource  for help.  I don’t see any fragments in the essay.

2. Point out any comma splices or run-ons in the essay.  Refer to  this resource  for help.  Commas are used appropriately, and I don’t see any run-ons.

,

Essay Details

Submitted review on: 5/24/2022 4:42:14 PM

Reviewed by: Ilia M

Topic of essay: The Abortion Controversy leading to women resorting to unsafe methods of abortion.

Where are you in the writing process: I think I’m on track but ready for feedback

Review priorities: Thesis, Organization and paragraph development, Properly supporting your argument, Sentence construction

Pre­session Details Original Document Reviewed Document Download as PDF

1) Thesis Statement: Clear and focused thesis

Not Applicable

A thesis is not necessary for this

submission.

Beginning

The thesis does not appear to be

relevant, is not clearly defined, or

lacks focus.

Developing

The thesis statement is present

and clear. The focal point is not

consistently maintained

throughout the paper.

Accomplished

The thesis states the position,

premise, or hypothesis, and is the

focal point of the paper for the

most part.

Exemplary

The thesis clearly and concisely

states the position, premise, or

hypothesis and is consistently the

focal point throughout the paper.

Thesis statement target feedback:

Where was the thesis?? Your thesis should be in the beginning of the paper with a clear, concise statement outlining your main point and primary subpoints. In your paper, it was unclear which was the thesis. Additionally, and perhaps because there was no central organization to the paper in the form of the thesis, the paper was disorganized and lacking in flow, cohesion, and/or any clear objective. See resources in links for help—once you know how to write a clear thesis, the rest of your paper will be much better, clearer, and more readable. It is also required in academic writing.

Even where it looked like you had one toward the end, you contradicted yourself multiple times. Consider starting over and using an outline before writing.

Thesis statement help resources:

What’s a thesis?

 View Resource

Developing ideas target feedback:

There needs to be a logical progression of ideas for the reader to follow your thinking and research. Instead, you kept restating unimportant and subjective ideas while barely going beyond the surface or adding any useful info to support your points, when you had any to make. I strongly suggest starting over and doing more research. Even the items you cited added nothing new.

Also, avoid all­or­none statements or large claims about whole swaths of society. They’re almost never true and are generally impossible to substantiate, which results in discrediting your paper more generally. Be specific.

Developing ideas resources:

Developing ideas in writing (pre­writing)

 View Resource

3) Essay Structure: Organization and paragraphing

Beginning

Writing lacks logical organization. It shows

some coherence but ideas lack unity.

Developing

Writing is coherent and logically organized.

Some points remain misplaced and stray

from the topic. Transitions evident but not

used throughout essay.

Accomplished

Writing is coherent and logically organized

with transitions used between ideas and

paragraphs to create coherence. Overall

unity of ideas is present.

Exemplary

Writing shows high degree of attention to

logic and reasoning of points. Unity clearly

leads the reader to the conclusion and stirs

thought regarding the topic.

Essay structure target feedback:

The ideas were incoherent and unclear. Please use the resources below­­by having a concrete thesis and outline to support your thesis, your paper will flow, make sense to the reader, and effectively present your case. Once you understand the anatomy of an academic paper, it will get easier and allow you to express your ideas.

Essay structure resources:

How to structure an essay

 View Resource

features of academic writing

 View Resource

4) Research/Citation: Proper use of sources

Not Applicable

Citations were not necessary for

this submission.

Beginning

Sources do not follow a

documentation style (APA, MLA,

Turabian, Chicago, etc.) and are

not listed and/or work does not

appear original because citations

are not clear.

Developing

Sources meet the minimum

requirements for documentation

following standard practices of the

field (APA, MLA, Turabian, Chicago,

etc.). Work appears to be original

but is not always cited properly.

Accomplished

Most sources are documented

following standard practices of the

field (APA, MLA, Turabian, Chicago,

etc.). Work appears to be original

and appropriately cited.

Exemplary

All sources are documented and

formatted following standard

practices of the field (APA, MLA,

Turabian, Chicago, etc.). Work

appears to be original and

appropriately cited.

Research/Citation target feedback:

Where was your work cited page? The in­text citations looked fine, but then there was no info on your actual source.

Also, you didn’t actually bring anything concrete to the paper. Your citations were used weakly on statements of opinion you already had expressed, rather than data or anything to support a claim, whatever that claim might be. It appears this is all filler and no actual research, and if that is how it came across to me, it is likely to come across the same to your instructor. 

Research/Citation help resources:

Citation generator—just enter the info, and you will have a correct citation. This also does in­text ones

 View Resource

How to Format: Work Cited Page

 View Resource

5) Grammar/Mechanics: Spelling, Grammar, Punctuation

Beginning

Errors in grammar and usage are very

noticeable, frequent, and affect meaning.

Lack of punctuation, or numerous errors in

punctuation affect the readability of the text.

Developing

Problems with grammar and usage are not

serious enough to distort the meaning but

may not be correct or accurately applied all

the time. Punctuation is random, and only

the easiest rules show awareness of

correct use.

Accomplished

Grammar and usage are good but do not

always add to the style of the writing.

Punctuation is somewhat accurate, and

shows a good command for readability, but

not creativity.

Exemplary

Grammar and usage are always correct

and enhance the writing clarity and style.

The punctuation is accurate, even creative,

and guides the reader through the text

easily.

Grammar/Mechanics target feedback:

Wordiness is often a product of trying to fill out a paper that lacks substance. Teachers and editors see through it, and the result is a mediocre paper and/or grade. Do more research, make more points, and then write concisely, eliminating any extra words/sentences that do not actively further your paper. Keep it clear and to­the­point.

Grammar/Mechanics help resources:

How to reduce wordiness

 View Resource

Suggested revisions:

Some general tips: ­have a clear, concrete thesis in your first paragraph, and make sure everything you write supports your thesis ­USE the resources I provided and read/implement thoroughly ­eliminate unnecessary words/sentences, and replace vague or weak words with stronger more specific ones ­avoid unsubstantiated broad or all­or­none statements and Be Specific ­do more research, and then use that to form your own ideas to support your thesis

Specific notes: you missed every opportunity to explore the topic. There is nothing about the science, no data from other countries (or the US for that matter). Where is any detail on legal precedent or the constitution? What is the history of this issue? What are the main ethical/moral/legal arguments? 

Your 24/7 Essay Drop Off Review Feedback

2) Developing Ideas: Well­developed and logical ideas

Beginning

Shows some thinking and reasoning but

most ideas are underdeveloped.

Developing

Content indicates thinking and reasoning

applied with original thought on a few

ideas.

Accomplished

Content indicates original thinking and

develops ideas with sufficient and firm

evidence.

Exemplary

Content indicates synthesis of ideas, in­

depth analysis and evidences original

thought and support for the topic.

Essay Details

Submitted review on: 5/24/2022 4:42:14 PM

Reviewed by: Ilia M

Topic of essay: The Abortion Controversy leading to women resorting to unsafe methods of abortion.

Where are you in the writing process: I think I’m on track but ready for feedback

Review priorities: Thesis, Organization and paragraph development, Properly supporting your argument, Sentence construction

Pre­session Details Original Document Reviewed Document Download as PDF

1) Thesis Statement: Clear and focused thesis

Not Applicable

A thesis is not necessary for this

submission.

Beginning

The thesis does not appear to be

relevant, is not clearly defined, or

lacks focus.

Developing

The thesis statement is present

and clear. The focal point is not

consistently maintained

throughout the paper.

Accomplished

The thesis states the position,

premise, or hypothesis, and is the

focal point of the paper for the

most part.

Exemplary

The thesis clearly and concisely

states the position, premise, or

hypothesis and is consistently the

focal point throughout the paper.

Thesis statement target feedback:

Where was the thesis?? Your thesis should be in the beginning of the paper with a clear, concise statement outlining your main point and primary subpoints. In your paper, it was unclear which was the thesis. Additionally, and perhaps because there was no central organization to the paper in the form of the thesis, the paper was disorganized and lacking in flow, cohesion, and/or any clear objective. See resources in links for help—once you know how to write a clear thesis, the rest of your paper will be much better, clearer, and more readable. It is also required in academic writing.

Even where it looked like you had one toward the end, you contradicted yourself multiple times. Consider starting over and using an outline before writing.

Thesis statement help resources:

What’s a thesis?

 View Resource

Developing ideas target feedback:

There needs to be a logical progression of ideas for the reader to follow your thinking and research. Instead, you kept restating unimportant and subjective ideas while barely going beyond the surface or adding any useful info to support your points, when you had any to make. I strongly suggest starting over and doing more research. Even the items you cited added nothing new.

Also, avoid all­or­none statements or large claims about whole swaths of society. They’re almost never true and are generally impossible to substantiate, which results in discrediting your paper more generally. Be specific.

Developing ideas resources:

Developing ideas in writing (pre­writing)

 View Resource

3) Essay Structure: Organization and paragraphing

Beginning

Writing lacks logical organization. It shows

some coherence but ideas lack unity.

Developing

Writing is coherent and logically organized.

Some points remain misplaced and stray

from the topic. Transitions evident but not

used throughout essay.

Accomplished

Writing is coherent and logically organized

with transitions used between ideas and

paragraphs to create coherence. Overall

unity of ideas is present.

Exemplary

Writing shows high degree of attention to

logic and reasoning of points. Unity clearly

leads the reader to the conclusion and stirs

thought regarding the topic.

Essay structure target feedback:

The ideas were incoherent and unclear. Please use the resources below­­by having a concrete thesis and outline to support your thesis, your paper will flow, make sense to the reader, and effectively present your case. Once you understand the anatomy of an academic paper, it will get easier and allow you to express your ideas.

Essay structure resources:

How to structure an essay

 View Resource

features of academic writing

 View Resource

4) Research/Citation: Proper use of sources

Not Applicable

Citations were not necessary for

this submission.

Beginning

Sources do not follow a

documentation style (APA, MLA,

Turabian, Chicago, etc.) and are

not listed and/or work does not

appear original because citations

are not clear.

Developing

Sources meet the minimum

requirements for documentation

following standard practices of the

field (APA, MLA, Turabian, Chicago,

etc.). Work appears to be original

but is not always cited properly.

Accomplished

Most sources are documented

following standard practices of the

field (APA, MLA, Turabian, Chicago,

etc.). Work appears to be original

and appropriately cited.

Exemplary

All sources are documented and

formatted following standard

practices of the field (APA, MLA,

Turabian, Chicago, etc.). Work

appears to be original and

appropriately cited.

Research/Citation target feedback:

Where was your work cited page? The in­text citations looked fine, but then there was no info on your actual source.

Also, you didn’t actually bring anything concrete to the paper. Your citations were used weakly on statements of opinion you already had expressed, rather than data or anything to support a claim, whatever that claim might be. It appears this is all filler and no actual research, and if that is how it came across to me, it is likely to come across the same to your instructor. 

Research/Citation help resources:

Citation generator—just enter the info, and you will have a correct citation. This also does in­text ones

 View Resource

How to Format: Work Cited Page

 View Resource

5) Grammar/Mechanics: Spelling, Grammar, Punctuation

Beginning

Errors in grammar and usage are very

noticeable, frequent, and affect meaning.

Lack of punctuation, or numerous errors in

punctuation affect the readability of the text.

Developing

Problems with grammar and usage are not

serious enough to distort the meaning but

may not be correct or accurately applied all

the time. Punctuation is random, and only

the easiest rules show awareness of

correct use.

Accomplished

Grammar and usage are good but do not

always add to the style of the writing.

Punctuation is somewhat accurate, and

shows a good command for readability, but

not creativity.

Exemplary

Grammar and usage are always correct

and enhance the writing clarity and style.

The punctuation is accurate, even creative,

and guides the reader through the text

easily.

Grammar/Mechanics target feedback:

Wordiness is often a product of trying to fill out a paper that lacks substance. Teachers and editors see through it, and the result is a mediocre paper and/or grade. Do more research, make more points, and then write concisely, eliminating any extra words/sentences that do not actively further y

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